One other lesson from our parenting seminar…

This one was a real winner.

Give your kid the power of choice!

Sounds like a bunch of psycho-mumbo-jumbo but it works!

Here is an example:

It’s 8:10 PM and my 22 month old refuses to lie down and go to sleep. He has had his bottle, I have read to him for about 30 minutes, he had a good dinner and his diaper is clean so I know he doesn’t really want for anything.

I could do many things: I could say goodnight and walk out with him crying (knowing that he will have no blanket over him); I could demand he lie down and cause a further upset; I could give in by taking him out of the crib and delay the problem of getting him to lie down (knowing that next time, he’ll be even more cranky because he’ll be even more tired) or…

I could drop the subject of sleep entirely and say “Okay, which side of the crib do you want to put your head on? This side or that side?”

Seems like a stupid question but it WORKS!!

I reversed the whole thing by letting him make a decision on his own that he is happy to make…it is really like magic.

Keep in mind, I may have to ask him several times before he gives me an answer but eventually, he will choose a side and HAPPILY lie down accordingly.

It doesn’t matter what I allow him to choose. If your child likes stuffed animals, change the subject to which animal he wants to sleep with. Or if he is old enough and he understands the concept of time, ask him if he would like to go to sleep in 2 minutes or 4.

(And stick to whatever he chooses!! Your trust in this is VERY important! Do not give him options for things on which you are not prepared to deliver.)

Just let the child decide, on his own determinism, something about how his bedtime will go.

Another example: my little boy likes to go into the tea drawer and pull out all the boxes of tea and empty them on the kitchen floor. I know, as most parents do, that if I tell him “no” he will want to do it more and it will be an even bigger battle. I do not want to go that route; I also do not want to clean up 75 tea bags every day.

So, when he goes into that drawer, I calmly walk over and say “Okay, remember how I told you that you could choose one? Which one do you want, this one or that one?” (for ex., chamomile or peppermint–one tea bag or the whole box, it doesn’t matter). He will choose one and walk away from the drawer!!

You may be thinking that this is a bit manipulative. I assure you, it is not. It is a technique to eliminate unending battles about an unlimited number of things. It works off the principal that if someone has the power of choice to decide, this is more important to them than any responsibility they may have in the matter.

It works on adults, too, but that’s another show.

Try it next time your child is doing something you wish he wouldn’t.

MAGIC.